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This is an exercise for you to do on your own. Your spouse may want to complete it as well. While this exercise may begin with looking at negative areas, remember that the goal is to transform these into POSITIVES! In this way, we are consciously re-focusing and transforming our lives.


We cannot avoid troubling situations, but with awareness counselling (which is not the same as venting), we can transform problems into areas that work for us and create amazing transformation in us and in our relationships.


1)       What is an un-appreciated trait/behavior that your partner exhibited today (or recently)?


­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­What is the “gold” in this trait/behavior? In other words, how might this trait/behavior serve a positive purpose in your partner’s life (or what real underlying need might he/she be trying to meet)?


­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­In what way(s) do you “do” this behavior in your own life? (Remember that if it drives you crazy, this is likely a mirror for you. You have cast this trait off as if it did not belong to you because someone made you feel that it was unacceptable – but it is in you too!)


­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Close your eyes and visualize yourself with this trait.


  1. Bring compassion and gentleness to the person that demonstrates it (yourself).
  2. If you have memories of when you were shamed or punished because of this trait, allow yourself to forgive and let go of resentment.
  3. Write down any thoughts of forgiveness and compassion in a journal or share with your Psychologist.
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